I want to tell you about something that happened in my house about 6 months ago.
This is a little hard for me to admit to my the almost-1000 of you who subscribe to my emails and videos. Because of course I put a lot of pressure on myself as a parent based on what I do for a living — teaching respect-based positive parenting techniques.
I’ve said before that I’m not a perfect parent. And the day I want to tell you about is a great example of that. On that day I definitely didn’t parent in a way that was consistent with my values… or in a way that was consistent with what I teach.
I was moody, and I was mean.
I had no patience with my kids and everything I was doing was putting them into Yuck over and over again.
I was angry at the world. And I made everyone around me angry. (Even my endlessly supportive, unflappable husband said something to me that day.)
And of course, my kids responded negatively to my behavior — not just to me, but in general. Every activity that we did that day seemed to be filled with irritation and disrespect from me — and from them.
I was devastated as I watched the impact that I was having on my kids.
(As a side note and maybe a video for another time, I don’t love the fact that moms are often the emotional barometers in our family. It seems like when we’re not in a good place, no one is. It puts a lot of pressure on us to be happy all the time. And I don’t know about you, but I’m just not that person.)
Anyway, the day was awful and I felt like nothing I did was getting it back on track.
But there were two things I (finally) did that worked to bring things around.
The first thing I did was to share what I was going through. I started by talking to my mom, who is a wonderful mother… but someone who worries when I’m not in a good place. She just wants me to “cheer up.” She couldn’t be with me where I was, which I understand. So I knew that talking to her wasn’t the solution.
So I turned to other people who I new would GET IT — in this case, some friends. When I talked to them and heard they’d all had similar experiences, I felt so relieved. Being honest about what I was going through, without being judged for my behavior, was exactly what I needed.
The next thing I did was to rely on the knowledge I had inside of me. Instead of worrying about what was going on around me, I relied on my parenting instinct and everything I know about being a respect-based parent. I recalled everything I know about getting out of a funk, dealing with burnout, dealing with perfectionism, and dealing with shame.
And then I paused.
And I realized something.
See, I have people to turn to. I am so grateful that I have all of this knowledge about how to handle my kids’ behavior, and (more importantly in this case), my own.
What would I do if I didn’t have all of that?
What do YOU do if you don’t have all of that?
I know I offer this knowledge and support to my clients… but what do you do if you can’t pay up to $150 an hour for that type of support?
For those of you who don’t have a community of nonjudgmental parents who understand your crappy days… for those of you don’t feel like you have enough tools to deal not only with your kids’ behavior but also your own… I knew I had to build something for YOU.
So I have built this community, called the “Redefining Perfect Parenting Community” to offer that knowledge and support to you at an affordable price.
In this community, there are short lessons and practical tips on handling your children’s frustrating behaviors like lack of cooperation, aggression, tantrums, and sibling fighting. And there are lessons on how to deal with your overwhelm and your feelings that you’re just not the parent you want to be. There’s even a lesson on how to make sure your mistakes don’t mess up your kids.
And in addition to to the lessons, there’s also a community of parents who ask questions, give advice, support each other, and inspire each other through their strengths and struggles. And yes, I’m part of that community. And yes, you will have the ability to ask me questions any time — and I will be holding live events where you can ask questions in real-time.
We ALL deserve to have the tools that allow us to handle difficult days. That’s what this community is for.
We ALL need to be able to talk to people — people who won’t make you feel worse, or judge you, or shame you. That’s what this community is for.
You do not have to do this alone.
You were not meant to have all the answers. You were never meant to suck it up without letting it out. Yes, you can get to the other side and become more cheerful (this isn’t about wallowing in self-pity), but that doesn’t happen until you get to be real. With people who get it.
So take a look at the information about the Redefining Perfect Parenting Community.
And take advantage of the fact that until October 15, I’m offering access to the entire community for two weeks for only $1. (To pay only $1, use the code “2Weeks.”)
After that you can cancel or remain in the community for $34/month.
I can’t do this alone. You shouldn’t have to either.
I look forward to seeing you in the community.